I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize