Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
