I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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