I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
