im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
