You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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