You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
