If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize