do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
