you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
