college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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