i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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