That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
