Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
