please come you make the beer taste better
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
