Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
