Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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