I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
