i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
