Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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