Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
