So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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