Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so let's talk penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
