she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
