Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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