somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
