im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
