Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
