Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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