He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
