theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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