yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize