what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
