I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
