He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She told me I should be a condom model.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
