This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
