doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
