tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize