dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
