Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize