Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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