I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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