she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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