I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
