Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
