Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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