Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
