turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
