when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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