My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
