I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
