Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
