I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize