and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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