We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize