whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
