At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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