Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just had sex on a roof
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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