new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
