Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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