How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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