I just cut my nipple shaving
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
