So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
