Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
