Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
