If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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