We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
