In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
