Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
