hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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