I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this boner is exhausting
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
