What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
