YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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