I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
