It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
