I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
