hotel room ftw
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
