no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
