he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
