Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
