Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
