I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
