I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
