at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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