i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
