Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
