I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
