Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
