when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
