Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize