our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Shame - the story of my life.
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