He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let's paint friendship bongs
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
