So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
