We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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