Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
