dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Duck Duck Cougar?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
