I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize