she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
