also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
