i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
