Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
